My mind betrays my heart
When I dream of you
So surreal and lost in a time that was once so good
So young, naive, infatuated with the essence of your being
You took my wholneness
my innocence, became my world
You burnt it to the ground, hurt me, neglected me and made me feel like you were playing God with my soul
I loved you
I breathed you
Took a decade to forget you and now you still haunt me
Why? Why do I yearn for you, it is the time it represents- the freedom, the ease of love, the infatuation?
Leave my mind as I move on with my life.
You are a love once explored
You are and always will be my first of many
You are my love
Love in time
And destined to remain.
Leave my life, my love, lost in time.
**
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
As I lay my head to rest
As I lay my head to rest, I pray the Lord to bless
Keep my little bug safe and sound, keep her whole, keep her in my mind, make my life breathe the essence of her being.
Bless her mommy and daddy, keep them strong, keep them near, do not let them stray too far, let them love again, let them breathe again.
Make the pain we feel lessen but don't let us forget.
As I lay my head to rest, I pray the Lord to bless us.
Keep us safe, make us whole, protect our hearts until we meet again.
Kayla-ann- you were too young, but Jesus called you to come
He wanted to protect you from the world, the chaos of mankind, you were an angel lent to us only for a short time. You were too angelic for us to keep, Jesus needed you for a greater purpose, we will learn to understand that. We will eventually make peace with it, until then we are shattered, heartbroken and in need of your watchful eye.
Watch us as we grow, bless us as we breathe in a sunrise without you, for every sunrise is tainted with your sweet smile.
As I lay my head to rest, I pray the Lord to bless us and make us whole.
Keep my little bug safe and sound, keep her whole, keep her in my mind, make my life breathe the essence of her being.
Bless her mommy and daddy, keep them strong, keep them near, do not let them stray too far, let them love again, let them breathe again.
Make the pain we feel lessen but don't let us forget.
As I lay my head to rest, I pray the Lord to bless us.
Keep us safe, make us whole, protect our hearts until we meet again.
Kayla-ann- you were too young, but Jesus called you to come
He wanted to protect you from the world, the chaos of mankind, you were an angel lent to us only for a short time. You were too angelic for us to keep, Jesus needed you for a greater purpose, we will learn to understand that. We will eventually make peace with it, until then we are shattered, heartbroken and in need of your watchful eye.
Watch us as we grow, bless us as we breathe in a sunrise without you, for every sunrise is tainted with your sweet smile.
As I lay my head to rest, I pray the Lord to bless us and make us whole.
My little butterfly
She gave me a love like no other, she added something special to my life, she gave me a chance to love whole- heartedly and unconditionally.
She has the cutest, chubbiest little cheeks and the fullest little lips- just right for kissing. She was the smallest, cutest little girl I had ever laid my eyes on.
She was and always will be my little butterfly.
She has the cutest, chubbiest little cheeks and the fullest little lips- just right for kissing. She was the smallest, cutest little girl I had ever laid my eyes on.
She was and always will be my little butterfly.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Longing for a sane mind
Here again, without much to say.
My heart and my head are no longer in sync. How do you know for certain that the one you are with is the one to be with? How often does one actually find the lid for the pot? Your soul mate? Your one true love?
Does such a certainty exist? Are the fairy tales all lies? Are the happy endings really forever after?
Do the adversities really make you stronger? Are we ever happy with what we have?
I wish I had the answers.
My heart and my head are no longer in sync. How do you know for certain that the one you are with is the one to be with? How often does one actually find the lid for the pot? Your soul mate? Your one true love?
Does such a certainty exist? Are the fairy tales all lies? Are the happy endings really forever after?
Do the adversities really make you stronger? Are we ever happy with what we have?
I wish I had the answers.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Just me
This is just me - blogging. Finding an outlet for my feelings.
I feel glorious in a world which has become mine to own. A world where I matter, where my stride determines my path, where my life is one to cherish.
Conflicted by the effects of work and the passion which has eluded me of late, I am lost for words- words which comprehend my emotions.
I have lost so much this year already- besides my mind :-)
Strength and determination need to find a home here with me - today. Strength to combat the weak and narrow minded and determination to succeed no matter what.
**
I feel glorious in a world which has become mine to own. A world where I matter, where my stride determines my path, where my life is one to cherish.
Conflicted by the effects of work and the passion which has eluded me of late, I am lost for words- words which comprehend my emotions.
I have lost so much this year already- besides my mind :-)
Strength and determination need to find a home here with me - today. Strength to combat the weak and narrow minded and determination to succeed no matter what.
Monday, January 17, 2011
My piece of peace
I find myself having to please so many people
Having to give so much of myself
Feeling lost in the devilish demand of work and people at work
I need to find my peace
I have lost something
Something I cherished
Freedom
Ground
Excitement
How do I acquire a small piece of silence to bring my peace back?
I know this blog is suppose is to be about finding my zen and my voice- but I feel like I have lost that too. ...
Need a new venture.... besides studies, gym, running a household, planning my wedding....
Need excitement at work- something new... not a new CLIENT or more work.... just something new. ...
I need to brave the world and find something that I can immerse myself in.... regain passion, acquire patience and move on in my life. I feel like I am stagnating and it is killing me! The routine and regular clients and the regular job which is PR is bliss.... maybe enough to sustain me for another year... but the question here is:
How do I find a place in this world where I fit in, a place that provides peace...silence...soul enriching experiences...no political bullshit!....and just provides motivation and happiness....
Do I start with myself? The only reliable thing- which comes with a guarantee?
mm.
I demand a lot of others, perhaps, but they demand more
Having to give so much of myself
Feeling lost in the devilish demand of work and people at work
I need to find my peace
I have lost something
Something I cherished
Freedom
Ground
Excitement
How do I acquire a small piece of silence to bring my peace back?
I know this blog is suppose is to be about finding my zen and my voice- but I feel like I have lost that too. ...
Need a new venture.... besides studies, gym, running a household, planning my wedding....
Need excitement at work- something new... not a new CLIENT or more work.... just something new. ...
I need to brave the world and find something that I can immerse myself in.... regain passion, acquire patience and move on in my life. I feel like I am stagnating and it is killing me! The routine and regular clients and the regular job which is PR is bliss.... maybe enough to sustain me for another year... but the question here is:
How do I find a place in this world where I fit in, a place that provides peace...silence...soul enriching experiences...no political bullshit!....and just provides motivation and happiness....
Do I start with myself? The only reliable thing- which comes with a guarantee?
mm.
I demand a lot of others, perhaps, but they demand more
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Time...
Patience and time.... something I have never had an understanding of. What I want I want NOW, I don't like to wait and have patience. I was not born with that virtue in check within my trait box.
I have embarked to study the romantic language: French. Patience and in this case pronounciation - seem to be two traits I am going to have to acquire this year!
I have done 6 hours of studies the last two days and feel like I am "lost in translation"...4 books/ guides/8 CD's and two assignments loom on my study desk...never mind the five events I have lined up with work this month alone! Just wish it would come easier- learning a new language... surely it can't be this damn hard??
Enough rumbling.... it is a new year with new experiences looming on the horizon. It can only get better from here on in!!
It has to.
I have embarked to study the romantic language: French. Patience and in this case pronounciation - seem to be two traits I am going to have to acquire this year!
I have done 6 hours of studies the last two days and feel like I am "lost in translation"...4 books/ guides/8 CD's and two assignments loom on my study desk...never mind the five events I have lined up with work this month alone! Just wish it would come easier- learning a new language... surely it can't be this damn hard??
Enough rumbling.... it is a new year with new experiences looming on the horizon. It can only get better from here on in!!
It has to.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Subject to definition
Everyone I know is married and popping babies out... mmm... makes me wonder what is wrong with me? Or should I be wondering what the hell is wrong with the world??
Surely there is more to life? Surely people want more from life than marriage, confinement and families?
I will admit I too some days (not too many a month) want a big wedding, babies and a stable home life... then I realise I have dreams- wants- desires and a need for more!
Yes- I know this is not new to you (whoever is reading this), but I have considered taking off my engagement ring if it means people will stop asking me "when is the wedding?". Sad how society expects life to walk a certain path.
I see myself working in Paris within the next two years, possibly within the next five years Francois and I would then start a family... not neccessarily being married ...but having a baby does not mean I have to be married, neither does it mean the end of my life...
I wish for society to leave me alone and let me be. Let me have the life I deem "ordinary" in my terms, let me define what is normal, what is right and what is a timeous occurance.
That is all.
Surely there is more to life? Surely people want more from life than marriage, confinement and families?
I will admit I too some days (not too many a month) want a big wedding, babies and a stable home life... then I realise I have dreams- wants- desires and a need for more!
Yes- I know this is not new to you (whoever is reading this), but I have considered taking off my engagement ring if it means people will stop asking me "when is the wedding?". Sad how society expects life to walk a certain path.
I see myself working in Paris within the next two years, possibly within the next five years Francois and I would then start a family... not neccessarily being married ...but having a baby does not mean I have to be married, neither does it mean the end of my life...
I wish for society to leave me alone and let me be. Let me have the life I deem "ordinary" in my terms, let me define what is normal, what is right and what is a timeous occurance.
That is all.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Thoughtfully yours
It breaks my heart to watch you
To know that you are so close, yet so far
It breaks my heart to know you
To know what you deserve
Define your soul and live
Live for what you should haveLive for what YOU WANT
Live
Don't let weakness consume you
Stand - fortified in your strength
Breathe- for every exhale echoes your being
Smile and Laugh- to save my soul from crying
Don't let your weakness call you into the dark
***
Coming of age
Ever since the age of 23 life has exposed itself as a challenge. A challenge to manage relationships, the work/life/love balance, the social demand to conform as well as the challenge to persevere and reach for your childhood dreams.
Tomorrow I am 27...27!!! OMGosh!!! If I think back to the blissful days of my childhood- turning 27 was, besides being an ancient and daunting age, 27 was an age where I would be married, settled down with children and a blooming career...mmm...well I am 27...(almost)... settled (almost)...married (almost)...children (practicing) and my career has only now started to unfold into a potential I could possibly live with for the next few years :-)
Jeez how things are different when you are actually the age you dream of being.
Tomorrow I am 27...27!!! OMGosh!!! If I think back to the blissful days of my childhood- turning 27 was, besides being an ancient and daunting age, 27 was an age where I would be married, settled down with children and a blooming career...mmm...well I am 27...(almost)... settled (almost)...married (almost)...children (practicing) and my career has only now started to unfold into a potential I could possibly live with for the next few years :-)
Jeez how things are different when you are actually the age you dream of being.
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